if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
