"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
