I'm sorry my penis didn't work
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
