Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
