I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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