Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
