The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
