I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
