I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
