I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
