You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
