so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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