Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
