she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
