Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize