wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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