tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
