I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
