I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
