You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
