Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
