Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
