I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
