It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize