I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he fucked my hip out of place.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
