If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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