It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
