Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
