Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
