nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
