What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Randomize
