How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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