??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
