So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
