You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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