The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
