It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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