Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
