the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
