NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
