I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
