billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
