K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize