Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Barsexuality is the new black.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
