Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
