my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it was like eating out sand paper
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
