how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize