It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
