please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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