shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
