Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize