so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
