so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I want to be your penis for a week.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize