I'm drive I can fine osifer
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
