There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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