My boss' voice literally gives me gas
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
