Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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