Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
