I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
my liver is dry heaving
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
