My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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