She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
