I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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