yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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