If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
