i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Let's get the cat blown out
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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