so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
