Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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