You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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