i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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