dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That was an excessively violent trivia night
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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