I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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