Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
