I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
