it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
