Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
